Watching You Drown
by Abstract Buttercups
Summary: Title is a metaphor. The real meaning of friendship and a burden combined with a secret; how much can a person take?


**A/N: Basically, this is a continuation of the pain & friendship theme I have from my first one-shot/song-fic, Russian Roulette. If you haven't read it, please do! I wasn't sure who to give this song to… but I think it works…? BTW: Does anyone think Cliff's hair, you know, blond a tips is kind of weird? Even for harvest moon? **

_Throw away the radio, suitcase keeps you awake  
>Hide the telephone, the telephone<br>Telephone, in case you realize  
>That some days, you're just not okay<br>You'll level off, you'll level off, you'll level off  
><em>

Being known as the local wanderer wasn't glamorous by any means. Sitting in the front pew, he continued to sigh and stare all around him. _Carpet, wood, glass, color… old and simple… vibrant and young…this should be the centre of life in this town_, he reflected.

Instead, his source of comfort was as deserted as his heart.

_And it's not alright now  
>You need to understand<br>There's nothing strange about this  
>You need to know your friends<br>You need to know that  
><em>

He just couldn't seem to open up to anyone. He had the twisted perception that he'd only cause more pain. _You killed your sister, you don't deserve to be with people anymore_, he told himself. So he became a nomad and never stayed in one place too long.

And then Carter, the Mineral Town priest came in the picture. Cliff was wary at first, figuring he was just another do-gooder, whom, when he found out what Cliff was, would scorn him.

He didn't. The older man wanted to be-friend him.

_I'll be wavin' my hand  
>Watching you drown<br>Watching you scream  
>Quiet or loud<br>_

Carter had become a good friend. But Cliff wanted to accept himself, not have friends. He asked Carter how this could be possible. If he was capable of letting go. The response had been an amused smile.

"Ask, yourself," he said, "What is forgiving yourself going to do for you? All I see is an accident… you need to forgive yourself for thinking it was your fault, that's all."

Cliff shot up his head, and growled, "What would you know?"

_And maybe you should sleep  
>And maybe you just need, a friend<br>As clumsy as you've been  
>There's no one laughing<br>You will be safe in here  
>You will be safe in here<br>_

And one day he let it happen. He closed his eye and let himself remember the face of his sister. They had been orphaned. He was supposed to take care of her.

But he didn't. He blamed himself every second of even minute for her death.

They'd been swimming. She drowned… all because he said, _"let's race to the cattails over there, Norah…"_

_Throw away this very old shoelace  
>It tripped you again<br>Try and shrug it off, shrug it off, shrug it off_

_It's only skin  
>Now you need to understand<br>There's nothing fake about this  
>You need to let me in<br>Watching you and_

__Carter had been everything he wasn't. He didn't sugar-coat the fears, he exposed them. He threw back every question with another. He made Cliff do what he didn't want to all these years: think. Because deep down inside knew what Carter was telling him. Cliff didn't want to forgive himself. He missed her too much, his twin, his Norah…

_I'll be waving my hand  
>Watching you drown<br>Watching you scream  
>No one's around<em>

__In all reality, there was nothing he could have done. The water wasn't all that deep, but they were only kids, 12 years old. Growing up by the lake, they never thought a thing of it, they swam all the time. But this time was both of their lasts.

As the weeds and rope at the bottom tied the girl's ankles together, it also pulled her head under the water.

"You hang on Norah! I'm getting help!" He ran as fast as he could. But when they got back it was too late.

_And maybe you should sleep  
>And maybe you just need, a friend<br>As clumsy as you've been  
>There's no one laughing<br>You will be safe in here  
>You will be safe in<em>

_I will be waving my hand  
>Watching you drown<br>Watching you scream  
>Quiet or loud<br>_

And so standing at yet another grave, so many years later, and his hair no longer golden, Cliff smiled down at his friend. He looked to the crowd of villagers, drew a breath, and began the eulogy:

"I don't know what to say. All I can tell you is this man meant everything he said. He was kind because he just plain wanted to be. He helped me because he cared. Carter showed me what I could be, and encouraged me to be a better person. Before we had met, I wouldn't be able to say this much and look you all in the eye. So I guess I'm saying that Carter was my best friend, and a truly good person, not a mean bone in his body. I'll miss him."

_And maybe you should sleep  
>And maybe you just need, a friend<br>As clumsy as you've been  
>There's no one laughing<br>You will be safe in here  
>You will be safe in here<br>_

It was true, every word of it. Carter was a good person. He knew what it was like to blame yourself when it wasn't your fault. He eventually figured out what he wanted Cliff to, and so he taught him what he'd learned to late in life.

Because he'd been there, that place where you feel it's your fault… and Carter never told anyone he had the guilt of killing a little girl when he'd throw away an old rope in a lake…

_Well, you will be safe in here  
>In here, in here<br>In here, in here  
>In here, in here<em>

**End Note: Song is Clumsy by Our Lady Peace. If you review (which I know you will, right?) feel free to give ideas on what my next song-fic should be (either the song or theme or pairing). Thanks!**


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